i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
