I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
