i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
