I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
