just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize