There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
