How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
