I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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