1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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