I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
