she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize