Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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