i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
