I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
