Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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