Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
