he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
