I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
