Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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