I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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