She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
