A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
