i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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