i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
