i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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