i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
