Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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