bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
