We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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