What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
