Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
there is glitter all over my balls
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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