I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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