I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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