I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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