awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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