I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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