Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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