Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
