I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
