I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
