dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize