Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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