Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
