I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
