I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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