he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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