I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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