Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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