i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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