I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
