Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
