How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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