(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
please don't ironically join a cult
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