I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
