watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
