You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she told me i tasted like america
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
