im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
