Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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