whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
