Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
