we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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