Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I didn't shave. On purpose
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
