I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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