hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
