i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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