Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
