I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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