I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
