I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
BRING THE BAGELS
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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