i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
