id be glad to
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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