Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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