that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize