All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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